Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
