I want to have your abortion
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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