It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
