My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
