After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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