i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
