My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
