walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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