You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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