This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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