just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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