Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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