I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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