I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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