okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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