guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
