my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
