the new term for farting is butt boxing.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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