i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
