Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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