i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.