If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though