nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.