I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
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New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie