I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK