I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was