we made out on top of his cat.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need to align my fucking chakras
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
