Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize