Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize