you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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