The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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