I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize