I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
