Reggie can tackle my bush.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
