bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
