Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
