i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
