i just sold back the books i vomitted on
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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