There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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