I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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