how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize