so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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