Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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