No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
