32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
