Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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