Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
