The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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