last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position