cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
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I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?