somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my sisters under your porch take her home
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.