You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Can I color on your dick again?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.