I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
