Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
