Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
