I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
