nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
