there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize