I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize