how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
