From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
