that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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