Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Soap is not a condiment
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
