Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
