True but thats because hes a fetus.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
