Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i believe in u and ur pee
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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